Don't Worry

The thing that bothers me the most is when people worry about me.

There's no easy way to convince people that even though I'm obviously neither rich nor famous (the thing they think artists should be if they're talented) I'm neither unhappy nor in dire financial straits.

(Even if I were, I think there's a pretty good chance that I could still be happy, while taking steps to change the situation.)

Today (in the subway, which is perhaps the most likely place to have such a conversation) I spoke with someone who thinks highly of me and hopes I'll do well...but who seems worried for me because (so far at least) I'm not commercially successful.

I try to reassure her, but I'm sure the more perkily I smile the more unconvincing I seem.

How does one put in perspective the realities of the artist's life?

How do I tell her that I feel good when I've reached one new fan...and that it genuinely makes a difference to me that she enjoys my CD? How do I convey my belief that a creative life is seldom a straight line to commercial success, but more a meandering path toward personal self-awareness and true communication with the world?

Would it be gauche to say "don't worry...I've been picking up lots of copywriting work these days"? That might seem as if I'm dishonouring my music career...when in fact it's one of many ways I support it.

Don't worry...I'm fine.

And I'm more fine when I continue to work the art. I would be a lot less fine if I quit because, say, my CDs sell in the hundreds instead of the thousands. But of course, regular people don't know that...and by most yardsticks of success, such low sales would be viewed as a failure.

I wonder if Ben Chin is facing a similar challenge these days. He was a candidate in a recent by-election in our riding. He didn't win...and now you see out-of-date election signs still hanging on a few buildings in our neighborhood. I wonder why nobody has taken them down. Surely he doesn't want to keep reminding people that he lost?

Or maybe he sees his presence on the signs as something beyond "winning" and "losing"...something more about maintaining a smiling presence in the community...continuing to "put his name out there". (Yeah, yeah, I know...probably somebody just forgot to take them down.)

What does he say when people meet him, post-election, and worriedly ask, "How are you doing?"

Does he admit that he was disappointed to lose? Or perhaps he simply smiles, states the victories he did achieve, and reminds everyone that he's still in the game.