Turnarounds

When I'm travelling on the subway, I often get turned around.

It's not unusual for me to mistakenly jump on the eastbound train instead of the westbound, only realizing several stops later that I'm heading in the wrong direction.

Whenever this happens, I hop off the train and (trying to look nonchalant) walk over to the opposite platform at whatever station I happen to find myself.

As an underground artist--not simply a subway musician, but an artist who finds herself outside (I'd rather not say 'beneath') the mainstream entertainment industry--it's not surprising that I frequently lose my sense of direction.

On the underground artist's journey, there are few landmarks, such as pay raises or job promotions in other fields. The signposts that do appear don't necessarily point to clear destinations. The show might go well, but not earn money. The songs might get better, but never be widely heard. (Other types of artists face the same kinds of challenges. A novelist friend of mine just received a wonderful write-up in a major publication. But he's not sure how that will help him eventually make any money writing books.)

After striving for years as an artist, the career landscape may look pretty much the same as it did at the beginning, just as underground subway stations look identical in all parts of the city. On my own indie artist track, I often find it hard to tell if I've ended up in the right place, and whether or not I should keep going.

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In Jill Sobule's excellent new CD, "Underdog Victorious", the first song is called "Freshman". It poignantly describes how she still needs a roommate to afford her rent, even years into her successful music career, while others who didn't follow their dream now own the building she lives in. I'm assuming the song is autobiographical. Jill is a wonderful artist who is much closer to the Centre of the Music Industry Universe than I am. Still, she's virtually unknown to the general public. I think you'd enjoy both her music and her blog, Jill's Journal.

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It's ironic, isn't it, that when I'm singing in the subway, I'm often called upon to provide directions.

So that I don't send someone else down the wrong track, I try to pause and carefully think through their trip and destination. I guess that's what I'm trying to do for myself as well.