Creative Highs

The feeling of euphoria connected with writing a shiny new song has continued over the last few days. During that time, I've tinkered with the lyrics a bit more, settled on the groove and added hooky parts to the guitar and vocals.

All this time, I've been in a great mood. (Did the mood come first, or the song? Could this be hormonal?!) Things that normally trip me up are easy to manage.
I don't feel jealous of a friend's major movie opportunity or another friend's million dollar house. I'm more accepting of my own flaws (such as my tendency to feel jealous of stuff like that) and those of others. I'm smiling at everybody all the time. I'm dressing better and I feel great, even though I feel exhausted. Have I mentioned it's like falling in love? Maybe this is why some artists find it hard to stay in relationships...the relationship with the work can be like a romantic affair.

It's probably no accident that I wrote the song immediately after my big show last weekend, a time which often feels anti-climactic to say the least. I often feel exhausted and even depressed after big shows, wondering "what was the point of that?" and "what do I do now?" The new song moved right into that void, filling it up with positive new energy.

It's interesting to me that the feeling of creative joy seems to have nothing to do with professional expectations. I don't feel the song will "change" anything in my life. I'm not happy because I could enter it in contests or put it on my new CD or use it to open any doors, even though I believe it's one of the best I've ever written. The joy seems to lie instead in the feeling of meeting a "personal best" goal and in appreciating a beautiful new thing that wasn't there before and that I helped bring into being.

The creative high, while it lasts, overrides professional disappointment and envy and ambition. Maybe that's not so good, in a way. The song's mere existence doesn't pay any bills...and in fact the dreamlike euphoria could fool you into thinking the bills don't matter. That's why I'm grateful that I have some other commitments today (writing jobs and childcare) that keep me my feet on the ground of the real world while my head's in the creative clouds.