As you may have guessed, I didn't return to Eglinton after my last visit.
Why is it that certain stations feel "right" and others do not? Is it the people passing through (demographics of certain areas in the city) or is the architecture itself (flow of pedestrian traffic)? Why do some musicians succeed in one environment while others don't? I don't have any proof that Adam did any better at Eglinton than I did, but he did seem more at ease.
Seeming ill-at-ease guarantees disaster in any performance situation.
So I'm sure Adam did just fine.
It's interesting that even a moving audience, watching you for only a few seconds, can smell fear.
I believe that it's important to confront that fear: to face it and own it in order to overcome it. That's part of the reason I'm busking. As a result of this choice, I'm feeling much more confident than I used to, and I believe I have a greater degree of self-acceptance.
Maybe it's that self-acceptance that helps me realize it's good to recognize an unhealthy situation for what it is and to take myself out of it. There's uncomfortable (challenging, worth sticking with) and there's unhealthy (marginalizing, victimizing). Trying to sort out which is which isn't always easy.
As it turned out, there were lots of reasons why busking at Eglinton was inconvenient for me this week. Mostly, I was just really busy. At the same time, I just didn't want to go back, and so I didn't. This week, it seemed to be the healthy and sane choice.
(I'm also perfectly happy to be busy on both Friday and Saturday night, so I'll miss my opportunity to play Yonge & Bloor station in front of thousands of late-night clubgoers.)
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